My least favorite small talk

When did it become appropriate for strangers to ask you extremely personal and intimate question while in line at the grocery store?  This was a recent conversation I had with a very nosy woman.  "What a beautiful little boy!". Me "Yes, he's  my handsome little man. I adore him." Nosy lady - " How old is he? When does he get a little brother or sister to play with?"   From that point on in the conversation, there really is no good way to proceed.  Trust me, I've tried the polite approach of "well, we're plenty busy with this little one".  I usually get the  "oh, but he needs a brother or sister, everyone needs a playmate."  Sigh. I've also tried the blunt route wherein I simply tell them that I can't have any more kids.  This usually causes them to pause (I like to think of it as them reloading because I can actually see them processing my response and formulating an even more inappropriate question) and then ask an equally intrusive question such as "why not" or my personal favorite-  "what's wrong with you?"

I sometimes joke that this is my own fault...if Jay and I hadn't made such a gorgeous child, no one would care if we had another.   Well, fact is, we will not have another, at least not one that is biologically ours.

I, like many people knew that BRCA meant a significantly elevated likelihood of breast cancer but I had no idea that the BRCA mutation also carried a 40% lifetime risk of ovarian cancer (normal population is below 1%). I didn't know much about ovarian cancer except that it was particularly fatal. So, after I received my BRCA result and was assembling my phenomenal team of doctors, one of my first stops was with an oncologist to discuss my ovaries. I'll be honest, I could have paid better attention in health class - I mean I know what needs to go where but my knowledge doesn't go much further- but I had no idea that my ovaries also played a pivotal role in my breast health. My particular BRCA mutation is directly linked to an estrogen feeding type of cancer. What this really means is, both my ovaries and boobs have a hit out on me.  The typical recommendation for patients with my risk factors is to undergo a hysterectomy upon completing your family.

Jay and I spent a lot of time discussing this surgery. Was our family complete?   In the end, we're not positive. But we do know that if we feel we need to add to our family, we have no doubt that adoption will be a great avenue for us.   So although it was a 60 minute, outpatient surgery, for me, that surgery was a much bigger deal than the mastectomy. Because of my family history, I've always lived with the "when - not if" perspective in regards to breast cancer, so really, I knew a mastectomy was in my future. But a hysterectomy? At 30?  I found a awesome gynecological oncologist who was far more patient with me and my questions than I deserved.  Truthfully, it was an emotional roller coaster. I realized I was more attached to my ovaries and fallopian tubes than I was to my breasts.  It wasn't that I was sad about not having more kids, I was sad about losing the capability to have kids. I was also terrified. I was scared of menopause. Surgically induced menopause can start the same day of the surgery. I was scared of all the unpleasant symptoms I read about: headaches, mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, decrease in sex drive and a few other extremely unpleasant sounding ones. To clarify, I wasn't scared of the symptoms of menopause - after all, menopause is inevitable - I was scared to put my husband through all that.  Jay deserves some sort of husband medal.  He's been unwavering in his support of me.  He continues to insist that he's good with it all. In relation to the hysterectomy, he jokes that he is lucky because he is skipping 20 years of birth control and PMS. He's all mine ladies!

All in all, I really am in a good place with all these drastic life changes.  Fact of the matter is, I would do anything to ensure that I get to spend as much time as possible with Jay and Alex. In the end, they are my reason for everything.  So, they can take my ovaries, my fallopian tubes, and even my boobs but I'm keeping my boys!